Livin' on Easy Street

Spent some time with Mosey yesterday. First stop, Art Class...we arrived fashionably late, as usual. I tried to get her to help hand out cookies to the other artists but mom was in hoarding mode so I did it. Then we chatted most of the class, glancing through magazines for collage ideas. Mom is officially past the point of painting, it's too complicated and frustrating for her. So, for now we're doing collages. You'll be receiving X-mas cards soon...our first crack at collage collaboration. After class, we headed back up to her room because her pants were sagging really bad. After a half hour of bathroom activities, costume change, prettifying and settling in Mom started opening the gifts that Char sent. (Thanks! She loved 'em) Never one to rush through an activity, Mom took her sweet time with the gift opening. An hour later, we were ready to go out on safari: a couple errands on the Walker Campus(she lost her glasses a month ago so we check periodically in the laundry lost and found)and lunch next door at Walker Place(fancy private-pay senior residence). I worked on the X-mas cards while mom had a leisurely bowl of soup and a couple apple slices. Another 1-1/2 hours tick by and we mosey back to Walker Health Center, stop in the greenhouse on the second floor to water a few plants and enjoy a little nature. Once back on the unit, mom blends in with her people and finds someone that needs her attention. I quietly drift off, work on a couple little projects in her room and pack up my activity bag. I head towards a back exit and see mom's walker parked outside her friend Beverly's room. Another day on Easy Street.

The Dementia Unit Vortex

So I stopped by mom's place to take her to her art class(which is free, by the way!) and I find out that there's an Anointing Service being held in the Chapel at the same time so I got mom prettified(a dress, brushed hair, earrings, lipstick, brows, clean face,new handkerchief) and off we went, only 20 minutes late just as the priest was coming by with the anointing grease for her forehead and palms. Saved! Just in the nick of time. Next, we had Mass, Mom took communion and off we went to get her hair washed and set. Mosey locked horns with the hair stylist yesterday(her usual day to get her hair done) so they let her take a pass. Apparently, when asked to come to get her hair done she said,(and I quote) "Ha! That's a funny one...now tell me another one!" It was either today or she'd have to go another week before she got her hair washed again. Unacceptable so the pressure was on. So, today, with much coaxing, she let Carol, the ball-busting hair stylist make her pretty. I helped get her hair washed and took the curlers out when her hair was dry and she seemed okay with that. Hopefully, mom will not resist getting her hair done next week. She keeps saying how much she loves her hair style and it looks great day after day as long as I brush out the flat spot in the back of her head. I've noticed that the flat, matted hair is a sure sign of a dementia patient and I can't tolerate it with Mosey. Absatively not!
I've also been checking her Medicine Charts to make sure she's on all the right stuff. Another family member tipped me off to the "Med Book" and it's great...I go straight to the source and get the info. I noticed a yellow highlighted section that listed mom as "Making inappropriate sexual advancements, both physical and verbal." She's up to her old tricks.
I'm trying to go see mom every other day because it is very mentally exhausting to be there much more than that. Time stops when I'm with Mom; it's what she quietly demands. Hopefully, some equilibrium will come out of this sooner or later, a delicate balancing act between mom and home and work.

Greetings from Ground Zero

ok, folks...mom is doing great, just wonderful. I can't believe it myself. In the 10 days or so that mom has been at Walker we've worked out the glitches. Her stockings are on everyday, the pee pants situation is getting under control and she's doing well. I talk to the staff every day so they know that I'm an active participant. It takes everyone a little while to figure out the care that mom needs.  I've met some family members of other residents and they have given me some valuable insight into the machinations of Walker.
So far, I've just been focusing on seeing mom every day and trying to get some extracurricular activities set up for her. My lame attempt at opening an account for mom totally backfired. It was like a textbook fraud case: "You see, my elderly mother recently moved to MN and I would like to open an account so I, I mean she, can receive her VA and SS checks. Well, she has dementia so she can't knowingly sign any documents and no, I'm neither the POA or the Health Care Surrogate...just a loving daughter who is not trying to swindle her. Really." Even the banker laughed. 

Movin' on up

It's official..mom's moving to Minnesota on October 12th. That's next Thursday. Lorraine is busy packing up boxes and sending them my way. Char will be coming up a week or two after mom settles in to help me with administrative details and other loose ends.

One of the parents in my Daycare Co-op had a grandmother and an aunt at Walker Methodist and had nothing but great things to say about the place. She said that there are plenty of activities for the residents and it's just a matter of scheduling it and showing up frequently so the staff knows that mom's got squeaky wheels. So far, that tactic worked with getting her a spot so I'll stick with the program.

Mosey the Fugitive

I swung by Walker Methodist today between dropping Henry off at daycare and a client meeting to check on her status on the wait list. I also wanted some face time with the admissions specialist so she knows we're motivated to get mom in her new digs. I told Sandra about the latest jail break and that mom got a 30 day notice. I stressed the fact that mom's wandering is happening more frequently and that the family is now paying lots of cashola out-of-pocket to keep her safe. So Sandra knows the situation and made a note of it in mom's file so the other three admissions folks are aware of the ASAFP status. Now I've had face time with Sandra once and Lisa twice and spoke with all of them on the horn at least a couple times each. I will call or stop by in a couple days to keep refreshing their memories about mom.
From what I understand the waiting list is a fluid and changeable entity. Although there is one woman ahead of mom she is already in-house(in another, unsecured wing) and her wandering hasn't become a crisis yet. The staff has been able to corral her without too much trouble so far. I consider it my duty to impress upon the staff that mom needs that next available bed. I'll keep chiseling away at them until we're in.
Apparently, the staff at Spring Arbor gave mom rave reviews when Sandra was doing her initial assessment. Although residents can't be chosen based on their fine demeanor I'm sure it doesn't hurt that mom's got her own fan club in SC.

Pond View but not much more

Last stop, Pond View. A short 4 miles from home, this assisted living had just the basics. Not enough activities for the residents, too many obvious dead ends in the hallways, too many residents; it all seemed a little disorienting. So, Pond View is not the place for mom.

I'm putting mom's name on the waiting list at Eagle Crest Arbor and RiverVillage East. Both places have a waiting list of 4-6 months. Crest View has an opening now but the other two places had more amenities. Crest View, though smaller, is still in the running simply because it's cozy, there's a nice garden and it feels like a home. The staff were very attentive and they get the residents out and involved instead of sleeping all day.

The Genius of Disincentives

My thoughts on which charity mom's leftover cash would go to are as follows:

Fairchild's Tropical Gardens
Hippocratic Health Institute(kind of crack-pot but mom totally believed...) Go to:hippocratesinst.org

'The Bloomin' Idiots': a garden club mose used to belong to. They even had shirts made that said "I'm a Bloomin' Idiot!" unfortunately, I'm sure 'The Bloomin' Idiots' are long gone by now...they may have even fallen apart due to extreme disorganization while I was still living at home. From the one meeting they had at our house all I remember was people drinking cocktails and vaguely discussing orchids for about ten minutes. They all seemed to have a hell of a good time, though.

Two more stops

On Friday I went to Eagle Crest Arbor((preshomes.org), an assisted living with memory care. This place was awesome, outdoor courtyard, thoughtful floorplan for dementia residents, a private dining room to have family dinners, a childcare center next door that visits often, pet therapy, beauty shop and other amenities. The place is six years old, about 7 miles from home and it accepts Medicaid. The unit has three 'houses' with 9 to 15 residents in each and they are all connected. The waiting list is 4-6 months.

Today I went to RiverVillage East(catholiceldercare.org) also an assisted living with memory care, also totally rocked. The amenities here were comparable to Eagle Crest Arbor with the added bonus of a spa, a guest room on campus that can be rented for $50/night(basically a swank hotel room), painting classes and an art gallery that displays the residents' work. They even have art openings with wine and cheese! I told the marketing director that I wanted to move in. The memory care unit has 11 residents and they join the rest of the campus for lunch, dinner and some other activities. The campus is connected to, you guessed it, a catholic church so the residents can walk or wheel to service. RiverVillage East is only two years old and about 6 easy miles from home. There are currently three people on the waiting list.

I have one more place to go on Wednesday, and I've been considering visiting the St. Paul Rakhma home; however, it seems the bigger places are better for mom, more room to roam, less stairs. I've put a couple calls out to find some info. on a decent eldercare attorney. Maybe I just need an informed worker in the health care system that can let me know the details of transferring Medicaid from state to state. The admissions director I met with at The Village at Walker Methodist said that Medicaid transfers with the patient, there's no waiting period or penalty. I'll still have to follow up on the info. but that sounds like good news.

The Old Among Us

Two facilities today, alot to take in. I went to Lyngblomsten (www.lyngblomsten.org) this morning, a nursing home with a memory care unit as part of a larger campus. Only 3 miles from home and a short walk from my favorite park in the city, I had high hopes going in despite the byline "Influenced by Christ, Lyngblomsten provides a ministry of compassionate care...".
I knew I was in trouble when my tour guide took me into the unit and all the residents were in a sing-along of 'Amazing Grace'. Not that I have anything against the song but I knew this would be about the time that mom would fart and ask for a beer. Not exactly a great fit. And besides, it was basically a sterile hospital environment...nothing special.

Next stop, Crest View(crestviewcares.org). This place is about 6 miles from home and it's an assisted living with a memory care unit, a rare commodity. The unit itself has twelve residents and one stumpy black dog named Sadie, who I fell in love with. It's small and cozy but there's still plenty of room to move around. The residents have access to an outdoor garden and patio, very nice. The place was built in the last few years so everything is new and clean. I really like this facility the best by far. It has the intimate feel of Rakhma but no stairs and more room. At Crest View the TV isn't on very much, a big plus, and the residents are in various stages of dementia. Some folks were mobile and chatty and kind of looked out for the others. There's planned activities throughout the day and the staff makes a point of getting everyone up and into the main room for the day. No sleeping the day away. There's a room available and I'm seriously thinking of putting a hold on it even though I've got a few other places to see in the next week. I think mom would do very well at Crest View.

The Village at Walker Methodist

Day three of touring elder care facilities and it just gets more interesting. Although this is a nursing home the memory care unit was redesigned in the last few years to accommodate dementia residents. The design of the memory care unit is well-planned and comforting and there's plenty of room to roam. It's a long figure eight with curving walls, has two smaller dining rooms, a fireplace, an outdoor deck with plants and little nooks for a few people to sit and chat. The place is laid out like a little village, hence the name. There's a barber shop, an ice cream cart, a "fruit" stand; kind of like being in a very mellow amusement park. The exit door blends in with the walls so the residents don't fixate on it as a way out. There's a plenty of small details like this throughout the unit that make it pretty pleasant for the residents. Another bonus is that there's lots of men at The Village for mom to get her meathooks into.

The Village (walkermethodist.org) is on a campus with other care centers so there's lots of amenities: a gift shop, ice cream carts, a chapel and a coffee shop. There is also large rooftop patio with plantings and a greenhouse which I think is a fantastic idea. Kind of like the VA where Dad was.

Of course, Henry was a big hit. All the residents thought Henry was an excellent choice for a name. After all, it was one of the most popular baby names in 1903. One woman said: "I hope you didn't name him one of those nonsense names. Like my granddaughter named her kid God knows what." With that she rolled her eyes, shook her head in disgust and waited for my reply. Fortunately, the name Henry passed muster.

Another woman tried to sell me a few postage stamps because she needed a dollar. I was unsure whether or not she was a resident because she had an ID tag on and looked like she was dressed for work. Nevertheless, I was impressed by her ingenuity and happily would have obliged her if I had any cash on me. The Admissions Specialist redirected her with the swiftness of a pro so she may be a lifer. I'll never know.

I'm going to hold judgment on The Village until I check out some more places. I'm hitting two care centers tomorrow. Wish me luck and a sense of humor.

Cerenity as euphemism

The Cerenity Care Center was not very serene. Turns out "Care Center" is elderspeak for "End of the Yellow Brick Road". I was expecting an assisted living with a memory care unit but instead I got a secured nursing home on the 4th floor of a building in a campus of sorts. The staff was nice enough but the place was basically a hospital and many of the residents were pretty far gone. There were a couple folks that yelled out intermittently, adding to the all-around bleakness of the place. Not good.

There were some hilarious moments, of course. One of the residents stopped to ask me how he could get out, he couldn't seem to find an exit. Ironically, he was standing directly under a glowing red 'EXIT' sign. One of the staff members chirped in that brunch was beginning soon and he brightened, moving on to the dining room.

In a nutshell, Cerenity is not an option for mom; too end-stage, too many yellers, no access to the outdoors without an escort.

Tomorrow, another nursing home...I'm interested to see if they're all the same. Mom seems to be on the cusp as to which facility is best for her. Incontinence is a big issue regarding where seniors should be placed because the staffing ratio is much less in an assisted living. Ah, the learning curve, she's steep.

Rakhma kind of rocks

I visited Rakhma today.(www.rakhma.org) The house holds 10 residents and two staff people at all times. Good ratio. The Minneapolis location is three blocks from a creek that has wheelchair accessible trails(many miles of them) and half a block from a coffee shop. The home is big and old and quirky and in a great neighborhood about 8 miles away from 1033. There's a dining room and living room and most of the residents were in the living room watching a giant TV. Oh well. My only concern with Rakhma is that there's not alot of room for roaming. Maybe she won't feel the need to wander if she's got work to do at home. Mom can go outside to a secured yard when the weather is nice or she can hang out in the living or dining rooms.

Rakhma also has extensive use of volunteers-over 100 of them. One volunteer was setting up an activity for the residents when I got there and stayed for about an hour. When I arrived I met the director and who I thought was another staff person, named Donna I think. Donna was very happy to see Henry and basically shadowed us during the whole tour, remarking on how cute Henry is(of course). I didn't realize she was a resident until she showed me her room! Funny.

The upside is that mom will have plenty of jobs to do and people to take care of. The kitchen is off the dining room and the staff encourages the residents to help out in any way they can. I met a few of the folks that work there and they all seem very patient and attentive to the residents. Many have been at Rakhma for 5+ years.

Double rooms are basically two beds in a room with a curtain between them. Most are decorated like Mom's, lots of pictures.

I drove by the St. Paul Rakhma Home(about 5 miles from 1033) and I liked it better from the outside; quieter street, better yard. That home is close to shops and the Miss. River. Also a great neighborhood-one of my favorites in the city.

There's two people on the waiting list now...not bad. One resident at Rakhma looked like she was about to take her last breath-no kidding. She was propped up on the couch swaddled in blankets...dust in a dress.

I'm touring a place called Cerenity tomorrow at 10am. It's a little further away but what the hell. Henry seems to dig it.

Look out the window, will ya?

So, this is my first stab at a blog, in honor of Mom. "Look out the window, will ya?" is what mom said to my brother Ken when we were bumped off yet another flight home after another Odyssey Cox-style. Ken was bugging the crap out of everyone and ma wanted him to just calm down; we were all going nuts, being trapped in an airport. Ma, in desperation, blurted out "Look out the window, will ya?" in her West Virginia accent and we all laughed at how true that was. Just look out the window and deal with it.